Thursday, April 14, 2011

Pouring it out

Linking up with Casey to pour out what is 
On My Heart. 

Lately it's been babies. 
My babies:
Little Man born in 2007

Little Miss born in 2009 A month early spending 5 days in NICU

and the fact that I'm still a baby. 
The fact that I'm 26 and I STILL have 
never read my entire Bible. 
I'm searching for answers in a rapid mess
hoping that they will jump off of the page, 
but he wants me to KNOW HIM. So the 
answers are coming slower. 
He wants me to trust him so my faith 
visits situations that will test 
it to the very core.

I feel like I'm standing on the outside of a VERY small 
world. Like one so tiny it can only be found on a 
I am staring in with a very large magnifying glass
trying to figure out if the people inside 
have it right, or if they're in there because they
are completely nuts.

I'm afraid to live like they live. I worry about
all of the wrong things like money, and things, and
trips. I worry about my body and how it will be 
I worry about who will stare at ME with a 
giant magnifying glass and tell me
that I'm irresponsible, or trying to prove 

What if I AM trying to prove something.
What if what I'm trying to prove
is that I have read and believe that his
calling for me is this one thing. 
Or even that his calling for me just right now
is this one thing. 
What if I want desperately
with my whole heart to prove to HIM
that I trust him completely. 
That the unknown is still scary, 
but that I KNOW he has prepared the way.

What's on my heart is babies. 
What about yours?


  1. this is beautiful. and look at those sweet babies. :) happy friday friend

  2. Oh Court. This is amazingly beautiful. I would love to share it as a guest post on my blog. Let me know.

    And in case you were wondering.... I am in the VERY SAME place! I bet you wouldn't believe it, but I AM!