Pouring it out

Linking up with Casey to pour out what is 

On My Heart. 

Lately it's been babies. 

My babies:

Little Man born in 2007

Little Miss born in 2009 A month early spending 5 days in NICU

and the fact that I'm still a baby. 

The fact that I'm 26 and I STILL have 

never read my entire Bible. 

I'm searching for answers in a rapid mess

hoping that they will jump off of the page, 

but he wants me to KNOW HIM. So the 

answers are coming slower. 

He wants me to trust him so my faith 

visits situations that will test 

it to the very core.

I feel like I'm standing on the outside of a VERY small 

world. Like one so tiny it can only be found on a 

clover. 

I am staring in with a very large magnifying glass

trying to figure out if the people inside 

have it right, or if they're in there because they

are completely nuts.

I'm afraid to live like they live. I worry about

all of the wrong things like money, and things, and

trips. I worry about my body and how it will be 

affected. 

I worry about who will stare at ME with a 

giant magnifying glass and tell me

that I'm irresponsible, or trying to prove 

something. 

What if I AM trying to prove something.

What if what I'm trying to prove

is that I have read and believe that his

calling for me is this one thing. 

Or even that his calling for me just right now

is this one thing. 

What if I want desperately

with my whole heart to prove to HIM

that I trust him completely. 

That the unknown is still scary, 

but that I KNOW he has prepared the way.

What's on my heart is babies. 

What about yours?