Saturday, March 12, 2011
What should I do first?
I just read a quote from my Facebook feed that said: " We should never reduce prayer to, "Its the least we can do", or "All we can do is pray".
I'll admit I am so very guilty of both. More than that though I guess I'm guilty of speaking a common phrase without giving it much though thinking of it as a "you understood" type of comment, instead of thinking about how it sounds to others.
This really got me to thinking about how I came to say those things. If you know me, then you know I'm an organizer. I like to know what is coming next so that I can be prepared and things can run somewhat smoothly. This character type has only increased since having children. Though I never viewed myself as someone who tries to tell God what to do or how to do it, I have realized that I very much limit how much I will "let" him do. This realization comes as a big disappointment to me because looking back now I can see all of the times when I prepared myself instead of letting him take the burdens away.
For instance, we have lost our job 2 times now. My initial instinct both times was to get prepared. I had a check list that I still have at the front of my mind that is something like this :
immediately search for a new job and apply
start calling anyone we know in the business
start being even more conservative with money
plan how and where we will live in the event that we don't find a job in our city/state
Sit back and wait and pray.
Can you see the problem? I even say to my husband, "lets do all we can and then all we have left that we can do is pray". I feel like I've been blind for 26 years. Blind and ignorant.
I know why I try to do all that I can. I'm just trying to protect myself and I think we all worry about what will become of us if we don't handle certain situations the minute they arise.
I heard a song recently that I can pinpoint to finally reaching the understand that I have no reason to worry and try to prepare for things. (I'm not saying I'm going to sit back and do nothing, but I certainly will be changing the order of attack) The song is by Kerrie Roberts called No Matter What. There is a line in the song that says "Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through your hands". It hit me immediately that my worry is all in vain. That not only does he know what is coming, but he knows that I will be fine. If I believe in his plans to prosper and not harm me then I know I will make it out better than before. Not only has he prepared the road, but he has come back for me to carry me across it unharmed. Even typing this that takes my breath.
From now on when I face a problem or an obstacle my very first plan will be to pray. It is the very most I can do for anything or anyone anytime. It is the very best way to search for answers and guidance.
I hope that somehow this can provide comfort for someone else too. It has taken a weight off of me in a way I had not previously experienced ever in my life.